I like to be in control. There are a couple of reasons for this. One is because I am an aspie.(Aspergers Syndrome) I like my routines. I loathe surprises. I don’t always handle change very well. I like to be in control, but I don’t consider it a character flaw. As a person on the autism spectrum it’s part of who I am.
Then there’s the part of me that wants to be in control simply because I am human. This is where we are alike. We all like control. We want to decide our own fate. It’s human nature.
That’s why it is such a difficult thing to accept the reality that we actually have very little control if any control at all.
The reality is no matter how much we know that we have no control we still find ourselves periodically asking the question “How did I get here?”
This question usually means that we have discovered that our life’s journey has taken us to a place that we don’t necessarily want to be. It happens to me a lot, and I’m guessing this is another way that we are very similar, because it probably happens to you a lot too.
Everyone has a different “here.” It doesn’t have to be result of a poor personal choice, but it can be. It doesn’t have to be a place that you completely despise, but it can be. It doesn’t even have to be a place in your life where you want to escape, but most of the time it is.
When you discover that you have arrived “here” even though it wasn’t your intention, we tend to have two thoughts. I hope it’s not true and I hope it won’t last long.
But what happens when “here” isn’t some bad dream and it isn’t going to go away. When I ask myself ‘How did I get here?’, I am usually looking for a solution to get me out of “here”.
So if you have to stay here:
I’m a glass half full type of guy. When I was diagnosed with ASD, I first hoped that it really wasn’t true. When that didn’t work I hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t last long. I tried to arm myself with enough education on the subject so that I could get smart enough to move past my “here”. To no avail, I’m still “here” and so is my ASD, so I decided that if I had to stay “here” I could choose to stay hopeful. So I do. It’s a choice really, so I’ve chosen to make the most of every day and every opportunity and while lIfe with ASD has its struggles, I choose to stay hopeful.
From time to time I need help. There are many things that I am fully confident that I can accomplish on my own. Actually, I prefer to work alone so in the past I have worked hard at not having to depend on anyone else in order to succeed. Perhaps it came from years of low self-esteem and feeling the need to prove something to myself and others. Regardless of the reason, I’ve discovered that doing life alone is unhelpful and unhealthy. As a result of this revelation I’m learning to have the humility to ask for help. Having ASD and needing help doesn’t make me a failure, it makes me human and the more I embrace my humanity the more I can stay humble.
Occasionally needing help from others has made me realize the importance of being helpful.
Living in your “here” can be difficult but life doesn’t have to be perfect in order for you to make a difference in someone’s life.
Paying attention to your own “here” can give you some insight into how you can be helpful to someone else. Sometimes something as simple as sharing your story of how you handle your “here” serves as the light someone so desperately needs at the end of their tunnel.
How did I get here? I’m not sure. I am also not sure it matters as much to me to know how or why I got here. Instead I’m learning to focus on what I should do to stay happy and healthy because “here” is where I live. “Here” is home.