Facing life with a disability can be a daunting task. When I was first diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder I was both relieved and remorseful all within the same moment. I was diagnosed at age 36 so I was relieved because my diagnosis helped to answer some very puzzling questions about me, my behavior, and my lack of social skills. On the other hand I felt remorse because I had a sense of guilt over all the relationships I felt I had ruined over the years because I had inadvertently offended someone.
A diagnosis of any kind always comes with questions. What does that mean? How did I get it? Is it fatal? Is there a cure? From common colds to cancer one thing is certain, being diagnosed with anything usually comes with far more questions than answers. Being diagnosed with autism is no different; in fact it may actually cause an even greater line of questioning because as far as we know there are no known causes or cures for autism.
Knowing that there is neither a cause a cure for something creates curiosity. I often have many questions about my own life as a result of my diagnosis and as if my questions aren’t enough to deal with, I also have to deal with the questions and curiosity of others. Normally I welcome questions about autism. As an autism self-advocate I am prepared to handle serious questions about how autism impacts my life. Then there are the questions I receive as a pastor that at times take my advocacy in a entirely different direction.
“Why was I born with autism?” Believe it or not, I get this question a lot. Whether the question is from another person diagnosed with autism, or someone wanting to know why I believe I was personally born with autism, the question is one that raises the issue of faith and at the same time it wrestles with the question about the future.
Honestly, I understand the heart behind this question because it can be difficult very difficult to live in a world that isn’t always affirming of those with autism or any disability for that matter. People have questions about the cause of your “limitation” and even more questions about the possibility of curing what ever they believe is wrong with you. It’s hard not to be affected by the curiosity and questions of well meaning people.
One of my favorite Bible stories illustrates just why this issue is so complicate but what’s beautiful about this story is that Jesus doesn’t avoid the questions instead he asks an even better question.
“As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. ‘Rabbi,’ his disciples asked him, ‘why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins of his parents’ sins?’ ‘It was no because of his sins or his parents’ sins,’ Jesus answered.’ ‘This happened so the power of God could be seen in him’.”
When it comes to understanding life, faith, and God questions are necessary, but what Jesus shows us in this story is that what’s most important is learning to ask the right questions. Like many of us the disciples wanted to know why the man was born with a limitation. The question is ultimately about why the man cannot see, but Jesus redirects the conversation away from defining the man by his deficits and he directs the conversation toward defining the man by his destiny.
Jesus has a simple response. It was no ones fault that the man could not see, but the value of his life will be determined not by his lack of sight but by how the power of God would be seen in him.
In other words the best question is not “Why can’t this man see?” but rather “How can God be seen?”
In the face of what seems to be a life limiting disability, the better question is not “Why was I born this way?” but “Why was I born?”
Life is a precious gift and God is the giver. No matter how many ways that life’s circumstances seem to restrict me from being “normal” I’ve learned that on the days when I question why I was born autistic I can quickly change the conversation in my mind by asking a better question. “Why I was born at all?”
When we learn to look past our “labels” and our “limits”, we will learn to finally start living.
Live B.I.G.
#autismpastor
